Conversation Overload: How do you cope?

Recently, Tom Foremski at Silicon Valley Watcher made an astute observation about conversational media. In "Welcome to the Conversation Age! All conversations may be monitored," he wrote:

"Conversations about conversations leads me to think of this Internet 2.0 age as the Conversation Age. ...The Information Age led to one of the early maladies of the digital age: Information Overload. ...In the Conversation Age we will suffer from Conversation Overload.

"I think that Conversation Overload is a worse malady than Information Overload. Because I can walk away from reading Business Week this week, more easily than I can walk away from a conversation through blogging, email, etc. Those conversations are all important to me, yet I can't keep up with them.

"Conversation Overload is tough because we don't want it to seem as if we are ignoring someone but there is not enough time in the world to keep up with all the conversations."

Oh, yeah -- Tom nailed that one! Given the nature of my work as a conversational media consultant, I wrestle with conversation overload daily. Here's what I commented on Tom's article...

My comment:

You're right, Tom, conversation overload is the inevitable plague of conversational media -- and it's more difficult to extricate yourself from it.

Personally, I find e-mail conversations to be more of a time-sink than blogging, because there's more of an expectation of response with e-mail. Which means, of course, guilt if you don't respond.

I find with public or group conversations (blogs, e-mail lists, and other tools) I experience less of a sense of overload because I feel less obligation to keep up with it or to respond.

I'm trying, these days, to limit my e-mail time to checking it 3 times a day. Honestly, I haven't been completely successful with that.

Online chat can be a time sink, but I only do that with the people I'm close to and they all know that if I'm busy  I won't say much. So I feel that's something I can control and it doesn't have much of a sense of obligation. And to me, it's less distracting than a phone call.

I'm glad you raised this theme. I'll consider it further.

In the few minutes since I posted that comment, I have considered it further.

In my case, much of the stress I associate with conversation overload stems from guilt. I expect that I "should" be able to "keep up with it all" and still get everything done I need to do. I feel rude when I let well-intentioned conversations drop.

The reality is that, in this "conversation age," no one can keep up. It's an impossible goal. Personally, I don't expect anyone else to keep up with all their online conversations, so it makes no sense for me to expect that of myself. (OK, there, that's one way to shed guilt!)

More importantly, I don't think keeping up is the point of conversational media. Rather, participation and connection are what matter. Connections and contributions have inherent value regardless of whether every participant follows through on every conversation until its resolution. This isn't a competition.

That said, it is important to prioritize, and to judge when you should launch into a meaty, important conversation. If you don't really have the bandwidth to take on a topic that matters to you, wait for a better time. I've made that mistake myself, recently, and I feel the guilt of that daily.

...I'll be writing more about this topic later, but I appreciate that Tom raised this theme.

How do you experience, and cope with, conversation overload? Please comment below.

Comments

[Adam Glenn]

I've grappled with this too, as a new blogger who's stayed on the edges of many a blog conversation. I sometimes worry if I enter the discussion, and then disappear for days or weeks, will anyone really care to know what I have to say when I return? On the other hand, how many conversations can one overloaded, self-employed new dad keep up?!

I've tried to think about my blogging like I do my friendships -- there are some folks I talk to all the time (even if we have little to say in any individual conversation), and then there are friends I talk to only every few months, or even years. Yet generally the connection is real and enjoyable, and the expectations of a more frequent interaction minimal.

Can that approach work with blogging too?

[Gina Kostoulias]

Indeed the 'connection may be real." But it's taking its toll on the things we used to do. We've become more like theorists, thinkers (preferring to converse online) and not practitioners, doers (doing things as social physical entities). The more communication becomes interactive the more strain it puts on our physical lives.

[Lumpy]

I feel you on this one. There is a very real social pressure the Internet created. The fact is, on some level, we are all expected to keep pace. The pace is accelerating contantly.

I don't know what the solution is but, personlly, I have gotten in the habit of disconnecting from time to time. When I return, I am refreshed and seem more productive.

Human beings are incredibley adaptive and I am sure we shall figure it out by adapting and, more likely, controling our envirionment. You have a post up on filtering at IReporter. I think we will see similar things happen in the area of conversations as well.

Fore expample, there are some comments I track and others I don't. The guilt we feel regarding conversations is real but how many of us feel guilt about letting a cell phone roll over to voicemail when we are busy?

I wonder if we will see a similar trend in conversation?

[Romerican]

"If you don't really have the bandwidth to take on a topic that matters to you, wait for a better time. I've made that mistake myself, recently, and I feel the guilt of that daily.

...I'll be writing more about this topic later"

I just had to tease you about the contradiction.