Feeling Your Way Into a Conversation

Tonight at the monthly meeting of the Rocky Mountain Internet Users Group, I'll be hearing some local (Boulder, CO) luminaries speak on conversational media. One of these smart people, James Clark of the internet marketing firm Room214, noted recently in his company's weblog how "Conversations Thrive on Emotion."

He made a good point:

"Sparking a conversation is all about tripping someone’s emotional triggers. Let’s face it, the facts are boring. Yes they’re good, and yes they’re important, and yes they should be used to make sound decisions. But who makes sound emotionless decisions? Who tries to butt in to join a boring conversation?"

While I don't think conversation is "all" about tripping emotional triggers, I do agree that feelings strongly affect how people start, join, and participate in conversations. In order to thrive in conversational media, you need a strong degree of empathy.

Off the top of my head, here are a few simple tips I'd suggest for taking emotions into account in conversations that occur via weblogs and other types of conversational media...

1. PEOPLE CARE MORE ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL THAN HOW YOU FEEL. If you want to engage people effectively in conversation, it helps to first indicate that you understand (or at least want to understand) how the people you wish to converse with (your "target audience") feel about the topic.

I'm not talking about their factual understanding or logistical perspective. How do they feel? Do they like the subject? Are they afraid of it or confused by it? Is it important to them? If you can acknowledge this explicitly or implicitly (whichever is appropriate), they'll sense a connection and pay more attention. Don't launch into your own feelings until you've acknowledged theirs.

Caution: If you're heavy-handed or patronizing about this, it can backfire.

2. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THEM TO FEEL after they've absorbed what you're written or said? Intrigued? Relieved? Outraged? Impressed? Motivated? While no one can "make" someone have a particular emotional response, we do influence each other's emotions. This is difficult to learn to do well. However, generally if you keep in mind how you'd like them to feel after you've said your piece, that awareness guides how you craft your message in subtle ways.

3. GIVE THEM ROOM TO SPEAK UP. If you're trying to start a conversation, it helps to keep your initial attempt to broach a topic to a short or medium length, and then specifically invite the audience to respond. In conversational media channels such as weblogs, forums, and e-mail discussion groups, it's easy to post brief items and revisit topics in subsequent postings. You might not attract much response the first time, but don't give up. People need to sense that their input is truly welcome.

4. ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR RESPONSE: Well, do this as much as you can -- sometimes time constraints make it difficult to respond to every comment your blog receives. (I need to catch up on some of that today, as a matter of fact.)  But as much as you can, when someone leaves a comment on your blog, either comment in return or send them a brief e-mail to say "thanks" if you have nothing more substantive to say. Everyone appreciates it, and it creates more of a true conversational atmosphere in your blog. It makes it more likely that they'll join you in conversation again.

5. DON'T TAKE OTHER PEOPLE'S RESPONSES PERSONALLY. Remember, you asked for them to speak up. If someone has misunderstood you, or is angry, or insulting, or defensive, that's just how they feel and they're entitled to it. If you got emotional in your posting, don't be surprised if you attract some heated responses. This consideration also applies if your best efforts have yielded zero response -- that can be especially demoralizing, but it happens to everyone in conversational media. Be aware of what your own personal hot buttons are and, as much as possible, don't let them get pushed too easily.

...Those are my initial thoughts on the emotional side of conversational media. What are your thoughts (or feelings) on this topic? Please comment below.